"But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God"

my help comes from the Lord

Over and over again, the Psalms speak of the goodness of God. Over and over again, David found himself pursued by enemies, even his own son. And over and over again, David looked to his Maker for His guidance and strength.

Psalm 121:1–4

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

Exemplary reliance on the Lord

When the king of Israel—also the father of his best friend, and the father of his bride—sought after David’s life, David did not return that in kind. When Saul’s life was in his hands, and though he had every right to defend himself, he would not lift his hand against the Lord’s anointed, and he waited for the Lord’s vindication.

1 Samuel 24:10-12, 15

“Behold, this day your eyes have seen how the LORD gave you today into my hand in the cave. And some told me to kill you, but I spared you. I said, ‘I will not put out my hand against my lord, for he is the LORD’s anointed.’ See, my father, see the corner of your robe in my hand. For by the fact that I cut off the corner of your robe and did not kill you, you may know and see that there is no wrong or treason in my hands. I have not sinned against you, though you hunt my life to take it. May the LORD judge between me and you, may the LORD avenge me against you, but my hand shall not be against you…

May the LORD therefore be judge and give sentence between me and you, and see to it and plead my cause and deliver me from your hand.” (italics added)

When the Amalekites plundered his people, taking the wives and children of David and his men, when he had every right and reason to go after them and reclaim that which was his, when his own people were ready to turn on him in their grief, he had pause. And he sought after the Lord his God, asking what he should do.

1 Samuel 30:3–4, 6-8

And when David and his men came to the city, they found it burned with fire, and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. Then David and the people who were with him raised their voices and wept until they had no more strength to weep… And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters.

But David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.

And David said to Abiathar the priest, the son of Ahimelech, “Bring me the ephod.” So Abiathar brought the ephod to David. And David inquired of the LORD, “Shall I pursue after this band? Shall I overtake them?” He answered him, “Pursue, for you shall surely overtake and shall surely rescue.” (italics and emphasis added)

When David’s own son sought his kingdom, his life, and all that was under his hand, bringing shame to David’s household and unimaginable pain in his wake, David rested in the knowledge that the Lord was just, that He was sovereign, and that He would redeem and vindicate as He saw fit.

2 Samuel 16:12

“It may be that the LORD will look on the wrong done to me, and that the LORD will repay me with good for his cursing today.”

My God vindicates Himself

I look to this example of David’s now, more than ever before. It is the first time in my life that I have experienced the heart-wrenching loss of trust and amity found in female friendship.

Whereas my youth was characterised by the desire to have such friendships, constantly bereft of having girls who I was close to and who I could rely on, this new pain is so much worse. Because I finally had that which I had longed for, and now it slips away from me. But I glorify my Lord and say, “It is well, all is well¹.”

In a loss that is not characterised by a natural falling away, a natural drifting apart, but is instead one of the trampling of trust, wilful discord, harmful and hurtful words, I rest in the perfect and sovereign will of my King and my God and say, “O Lord my God, in You do I take refuge²”!

As I reel against the dread that my testimony and reputation in Christ is compromised, not out of my own doing, but in the twisting of my words and in a lack of defence of my character, I take great comfort in knowing that the Lord defends Himself, and in that, He vindicates me. “Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause against an ungodly people, from the deceitful and unjust man deliver me!³”

For however long it takes for the Lord to vindicate me, whether I live to see it, whether it happens and I never hear about it, I rely on Him. I leave my defence in His hands as David did.

I earnestly pray that my desire for reconciliation and vindication be solely motivated by a true yearning for the glory of God and the exoneration of His name. As Moses prayed to the Lord for help, that the nations might not say “the LORD was not able to,”⁴ I cry out for the Lord to defend His namesake. I am shattered to think that the Lord and His Word are maligned. As the Lord is jealous for my worship, I aim to be jealous for His reputation.

---

No matter how painful this is, no matter how dark the road ahead seems, I rejoice that I can have compassion, that I can practise the same grace that was extended to me on the cross. I will always be ready to hold my hands out and be friends once again.

I cannot fathom that the Lord, in His perfect sovereignty, would have put me into my friend’s lives in a way that would not mean good for them. Not because I am something so perfect and good and wonderful—I am not—but because of Christ who lives in me, He who is perfect and wholly good and kind. I am confident that all of the wonderful conversations we had about the Lord and His work, all of the beautiful memories forged together, and all that He granted to me in the last few, truly sweet, years that I experienced such kindness and joy from and with them, will return to their minds and the Lord will be glorified in that, working about good.

I pray that that good, that end result, is their salvation in Christ. I desire that they should know Him intimately, that they should understand what it means to be wonderfully saved by their Creator, whose desire is that none should perish. I hope that even if the road to each other is never mended on this side of eternity, that they would be found by the Lord that I might come across them on the golden streets of heaven, to laugh and marvel together at the goodness and grace of Christ.

---

And I rejoice. In the sadness of my heart, in the mourning of what I had won after years of hunger at the threshold of female friendship, unable to get in, unable to know what that was like—to win it and then lose it, I can still rejoice.

Because I know the Lord works all things together for my good and His glory. I am assured of that. I am able to revel in the fact that my suffering makes me more like Christ. I can marvel and delight in this pain, because it means I am being sanctified.

And the Lord only sanctifies those who are His. He only refines those who belong to Him. He only breaks and moulds His own jars of clay, shaping them in an attitude and posture that will reflect His glory.

After years of a lack of assurance of my salvation—up until my 20th year of life, when the Holy Spirit graciously illuminated the reality that His salvation, once given, cannot be lost—I can sing, “it is well, it is well with my soul,” for His purification is reserved for His sheep. I have overwhelming peace in the surety of my eternal destiny because my Lord only disciplines, in love, His children.

I am glad that He desires my good, my betterment, and my heart. He is gracious and kind in the way that He seeks my attention and teaches me a lesson. It could be so much worse than this, and it is not. It could be a much darker path to travail, but it is not. He is sovereign, He is merciful, and He is good.

I strengthen myself in the Lord, my God.

1. 2 Kings 4:18-27; if the Shunammite woman could say “all is well” after the loss of a child that she had longed for, after years of barrenness to the joy of having this long-sought after child, and now her very life and hopes lying dead, I can say it too.

2. Psalm 7:1

3. Psalm 43:1

4. Deuteronomy 9:28-29